Darren's Unfettered Meanderings

Ch-ch-changes

Changing is hard and when I say this I don't just mean anybody. EVERYTHING finds changing hard, take the classic notion and noble aim of any 19th century self-respecting chemist: changing lead into gold. On a side note, i wonder why lead? it's not even close on a molecular level, Mercury is closer and easily available in those times as well - think the "mad hatter" but I guess physically it doesn't resemble most metals. Aiya I'm digressing again.

Right Change is HaRd!

Did you know that corporate entities have rights and can be tried in a court of law as a person? Anyway everybody knows how hard it is for businesses and companies to change, in fact most managers obsess about making their organisations nimble and ever changing. In fact it's a gauge in the corporate world, where companies that fail to change, will sooner or later fail. Take the big 3 automotive makers in the US. How much did they change since being founded in the early 20th century? Now finding themselves (hah and another reference to a corporate entity as a person) in the centre of the storm, these behemoths find their windows letting in the rain and their basement is flooding.

So even at the atomic level it seems intrinsic that change is difficult. It usually involves a lot of energy. How does one measure energy? I like to think pain is a good measure. Think on an academic level you want to change the way your arm bends, yes you can do that, usually with extreme force and after much pain (and probably a snapping sound) you'll achieve the angle that was your goal. Yes this isn't a very rational change, but we're analysing with an open mind right? I love taking strange extreme examples, because it's with extremes... with contrast that we can have better clarity. Just like a photograph with high contrast will clearly show more details and make it have "pop" so can it be applied metaphorically speaking to a lot of situations in life.

You might have guessed from the first sentence in this post that really in mind I had myself who is finding it hard to change. I have written this before, and I am still writing it now. I think I need more pain, I need a break (snap) point. So then, where will the will come from?

Sigh... resolutions, and the failure to achieve them

Choice, at peace

Past stories have been catching up with me these past weeks. One who left a small footprint in my walk through life thus far and another who left a mark so deep it will forever have its imprint on my soul. My journey with both of them left such a bitter note at the end that in hatred, I sincerely wanted nothing more to do with any of them. Such coincidence that both should throw their pebbles into my calm pond almost the same day, but the waves it caused wasn't entirely unwelcome. Strange. How time adds sweetness to even the most bitter of experiences. Especially the one that has left such a big impact on my life, I have to say that the many years we spent together makes up a big part of who I am and who I want to be and that is something I can never deny no matter how much I would want it so.

The pendulum swings left and right but must in the end stay calmly at the centre. So it is in my centre that I no longer harbour any ill feelings towards my past but neither can I simply continue as if it never happened which seems strongly to be their wish. Time will change all things and a different kind of relationship could be formed but that is never a certainty. I am merely thankful to be given a chance to reflect on this, and hopefully make teh choice that I can be at peace with

Honk-o-meter

4 years, going 5 years now I have been here in Beijing. Somehow one might think I'd get used to all the rudeness and the dizzying pace of Beijing but I guess in any city, we all feel more and more jaded as we sink into a monotonous life.

Still I was pleasantly surprised this morning, or perhaps I was in a more jovial mood but the air definitely seemed lighter around me. A point of contention for me has always been whether the environment has the overbearing affect on me or is it the other way round? Does the "what" make me or do I make the "what"? I guess the answer really lies within me as it is goes down into a simple decision to let what I choose affect me or what I choose not to affect me. Have I unwittingly answered my own question?

Or really it's because I got honked less at when I was cycling to work today, it's always refreshing to jump out of your socks when a car honks right behind you but it's bad on the nerves.

More meanderings: but I have been super busy traveling to fun places like cambodia! Check out the pics and if you want a super detailed story read may lin's

wisdom

I had an epiphany while I was doing number 2 on the toilet:

"It's kind of boring here, doing nothing but crap"

this instantly struck me as the wisest words I've epiphanized in my life so far... instinctively it struck a note deep within the recesses of my being, I felt motivated, the implications were far reaching...

Or I could remember next time to take something to read before going into the crapper.

Manila Philippines

I was in Manila, Philippines. I don't have many pictures or videos to share with you all, only my experience and thoughts I put down in words while it's still fresh in my memories.

Landing at Ninoy Aquino International Airport at 10pm Sunday night, I didn't get to see much of Philippines' landscape from the air but I remembered as I got off the plane the smell of musky carpets and stale air-conditioned air. Arriving in the old terminal, the weather was a fine 25 degrees, not too humid after a some rain that day. Nostalgically I had a feeling of I was in a movie from the 70's with a picture that had faded colors and jazzy music in the background. Would have lit a cigarette if I smoked.

No doubt Manila is an old city, the building all have seen a lot each with a story to tell but still very much serviceable. A thousand signboards line the rooftops of the skyline, and I noticed that none of them have foreign faces. Foreign brands they might have but the models for these advertisements were mainly modeled by Asian faces. Then I awoke from my reverie and looked at the people around me. I could hardly see a foreign face among the crowds on the streets even though it was only 10.30 pm as we got on the car for the hotel.

Personally I liked the service attitude of the people in Philippines much better than even Thailand, which is famous for its service industry. First most everyone speaks English, that is a great plus in my books. If you're working for the service industry nothing gives more brownie points that to have someone learn your language. I don't mind if people learn Spanish, French or Japanese, as long as the effort is made I think kudos to them. Unfortunately for both Thailand and the Philippines, when one mentions the "service industry" it brings about bad connotations with the "sex industry" pity. I don't deny that it's rampant in both cities which has a particularly poor economy, and endless streams of customers from richer countries. I stand on the ground that there would be no such industry if there was no market. I want to believe that demand was the precursor to supply in this industry.

Anyhow going on, the one thing you can see every 50 meters of so is a shopping mall, and also a cinema. Guilty as charged I watched a film after work. Boring I know but what can I do? It's only like 30 RMB which is half Beijing's price, also the location is so convenient with a connection within the hotel. Popcorn was wierd though, I asked for the plain one and they gave me plain alright... no sugar, butter, salt... NOTHING!

Food is so-so there, maybe because our hosts seemed to prefer western food. So it was pasta after pasta and burgers after steaks etc. Still the highlight is "Bubba Gump" Restaurant modeled after the Forest Gump movie.

Inside it plays Forest Gump all times and sells truckloads of "Gump" memorabilia. I couldn't resist getting this T-shirt, heheh going to wear it to my holiday in Cambodia! hahaha